July 22, 2008
Published 12:00 am Wednesday, July 23, 2008
By Kevin Chiri
I don’t know about you, but personally I’m pretty happy for today to roll around.
Let’s just say I have been pretty busy with the intense coverage of the Garyville incorporation business, and all that has gone with it, and it actually feels relaxing to know that starting today, most of that is now behind me.
I mean, I know there will be a little more coverage of the issue, and even if there are challenges one way or another to the vote, I think the hard-hitting action that has been going on for weeks is finished.
With that in mind, I can think of no better way to relax today with this special Sunday edition of L’Observateur, then to just have a few laughs. Hopefully this will help you.
The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young they were both in very good health largely due to the wife’s insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn’t help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and waterfall in the master bath.
A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said “Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.” The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. “Why, nothing, remember, this is your reward in Heaven”. The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth. “What are the green fees?” grumbled the old man. “This is heaven, St. Peter replied. You can play for free every day.”
Next they went to the Club House and saw the lavish buffet lunch laid out before them, from seafood to steak to exotic deserts, and free flowing beverages. “Don’t even ask,” said St. Peter to the man. This all free for you to enjoy.”
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. “Well, where are the low fat, low cholesterol foods and decaffeinated tea?” he asked. “That’s the best part” St. Peter replied. “You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!”
The old man pushed “No gym to work out at?” “Not unless you want to” was the answer.
“No testing my sugar or blood pressure or…” “Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself”.
The old man glared at his wife and said, “You and your Bran Muffins. We could have been here ten years ago.”
Q: How can you tell if a fax had been sent from a blond?
A: There is a stamp on it.
Q: Why won’t they hire a blond pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: Why should blonds not be given coffee breaks?
A: it takes too long to retrain them.
This letter to Tide, from an appreciative senior citizen:
Dear Tide: I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I’ve used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my sixties I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new pretty white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with the old geezer’s blood on my new pretty white blouse!
I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief!
I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to take my meds and write to the Hefty bag people.