By Kevin Chiri

I sat through a little class recently that was teaching better communication skills.

Wow, certainly something that makes you think twice about a lot of stuff.

Do you think you communicate well?

Or perhaps more importantly, how good of a listener do you think you are?

I believe that most of us are really certain we are very good listeners. Not many people will admit to being a poor listener. I mean, that would indicate you don’t care about what other people are saying, or worst yet (GASP!), YOU TALK TOO MUCH!!

Isn’t that one of the worst things people can say about you?

It’s probably one of the favorite criticisms in the work place when you are chatting it up about some fellow employee, and someone says, “and you know Bob, well he just talks SOOOO much! I wish he would put a cap on it.”

We all want to be known as good listeners, but I believe most of us could use a little work, to maybe even a lot of work!

Me? Well of course I’m a great listener. I have to do interviews with people, and have been doing that for well over 30 years. Surely I am great at listening, aren’t I?

The truth is that I believe I have improved a lot, but I know there is always work to do.

One thing about people who are good listeners—I believe they probably have a lot of friends. Why? Because people like to talk, and especially talk about themselves, so if you act so totally engrossed in what they are saying, and show true enthusiasm about the other person, they naturally get an impression about what a wonderful person you are.

But instead, I think most people are not really the greatest listeners. And that goes back to the fact that many people really want to do the talking, and they want to talk a lot about themselves, or their family, or their great job, or something that basically reflects back on making the individual sound like someone very special.

During the class I took, we did a couple of little exercises that were very revealing. It’s something you can do with one other person, so try it.

First, sit face-to-face with someone, and for one minute, do your best to ignore the other person, while they are doing their best to discuss something with you.

Even though it’s an exaggeration, it shows you how bad it feels to be ignored.

Then try talking to the other person, and while you are talking, the other person does their best to continually interrupt you. Again, it gives you an idea of how rude it is when someone keeps cutting off your conversation and doesn’t seem interested in you.

Finally, you and your friend should sit together and set the clock for two minutes. In that time, do your best to have a conversation where you both try to find out things about the other person that you didn’t previously know.

When we did that one, and everyone in the room really tried to listen, and learn about the other person, it was amazing how much you could learn about someone in two minutes.

Again, it showed that listening can really mean a lot.

One thing about listening, however, is that you can’t just appear to be listening. People can tell when you are truly interested, or letting the words go in one ear and out the other.

When you listen, really listen to learn about the other person, and hear their feelings about what is going on in their life.

Another important tip to being a good listener is that you need to maintain good eye contact, so the person knows you are listening, and has someone they can really connect to.

I probably need to work a lot in this area since I think I have been one of those “eye aversion” people, as my wife calls me. While I certainly try to make the lovely wife a person I listen to better than anyone, I am just the kind of person who seems to look many other places besides right in my wife’s eyes. I know it bugs her, so lately I’m really working on trying to connect with her. Believe me, it helps the other person know you really want to hear what they say.

So the next time you have an opportunity to talk with someone, do your best to really listen, and maybe even be like me, and play reporter a little bit. You can actually think of a question to ask, and that lets someone know you truly are listening to what they are saying.

Give it a try, you might really be surprised to see what you’ve been missing.

Kevin Chiri is Publisher of L’Observateur and can be reached at (985) 652-9545 or at kchiri@bellsouth.net