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by Rix Quinn

     Do you remember elementary school recess?

     At our school, we ate lunch right before playtime. We’d line up single file to walk through the food line.

     The plate lunch often included gravy-laden mystery meat – beef or possibly bird – plus mashed potatoes and something green or yellow.

     That lunchroom had only two major rules: do not throw rolls, and do not throw up. Once finished, we raced outside for random acts of insanity.

     In those precious playground minutes, we dreamed up outrageous stunts for the afternoon.

     In third grade, a guy in our class created a bathroom trick that others quickly copied. He would go into a stall, and stand on the toilet.

     He’d grab the stall wall, pull his head above it, and position his foot right just above the flusher. Then he’d yell, “Please, don’t throw me in!” He’d hit the flusher, and start screaming as his head sank slowly below the stall wall.

     We laughed like crazy. Unfortunately, the principal didn’t

     A girl in our class could whistle bird calls.  She’d start whistling, and some guy would shout, “Hey, do I hear a purple-tufted flutter foul?” Then we’d all run to the window.

    The teacher wised up, checked a reference book, and declared the purple-tufted flutter foul officially extinct.

    Those days are long past. But sometimes, right after lunch at my favorite diner, I get the urge to go outside and make wild birdie noises.

    The restaurant doesn’t like it…but some of the diners ask me for an autograph.

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