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   I’ve been getting calls from people who want to buy my house. “We’ll be in your area,” the voice said, “and wonder if you’d like to sell your home for cash?

     I would…but my wife would not, because we’d have nowhere to live. So, I asked the guy, “How much would you give me?”

     “Sir,” he replied, “I can’t answer that until we discover the home’s age, condition, and relative value.”

    I’ve got those answers. The house is old enough to qualify for Social Security, and I’m not far away.

     It’s got some bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a toilet that flushes when you jiggle the handle. Extras include a screened-in back porch, and the two-foot-deep hole in the floor of one bedroom, which we call the “mini-basement.”

     And as for relative value? I’ve got lots of relatives, and they’re valuable to me. I appreciate them most at holidays, when I ask them to show up with good food, bad jokes, and an appropriate gift.

     I do have emotional attachment to this house. It’s where we raised our daughter. The aging brick has mostly kept the wildlife out, except the weekend some of my old school buddies showed up.

     The front yard has a couple of low spots caused when we replaced decades-old sewer lines. That was expensive, but the alternatives were unthinkable.

     Both our front and back yards look beautiful right now. Not all the green is grass, but I’ve got nothing against healthy weeds because they also look green at a distance.

     In the back yard, there’s drainage ditch we call a “stream” after a spring rain. The rest of the time we call it “mud.”

     So, we have no interest in selling this house, no matter what the cash offer. It’s our home sweet home…or at least it will be in only 132 more payments.