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Quinn: Evolution? Animals now prefer buns with sesame seeds

Not long ago, some guy said he didn’t think people were highly evolved. I disagree.

Humans possess remarkable powers. We can walk, run, swim and even fly (if we hold a boarding pass). Other creatures aren’t so adaptable.

Fish can swim, but walk poorly. Birds can fly, but often misjudge altitude, and end up as hood ornaments. Some snakes can squeeze you to death…but who wants an affectionate reptile?

Bears possess power, but hibernate all winter, and miss some great parties. Rabbits multiply quickly, but can’t understand other math. Amoebas divide, but separate from their better halves.

Beavers build constantly, but they live a dam hard life. Wild pigs are unpredictable, and can boar you senseless. Turtles appear gentle, but rarely come out of their shells.

However, animals can learn by trial-and-error. Scientists discovered that even wild beasts master complicated tricks if rewarded with food.

But those researchers soon ran out of snacks. So, the animals escaped, and rewarded themselves with a treat they named “Biologist on a Bun.”

Despite this minor lunchroom error, over the centuries folks have survived with intellect, ingenuity and improvisation.

And when cornered – unlike other animals – some people can simply talk their way out of problems. That skill, of course, is salvation through conversation.

Rix Quinn is a syndicated columnist and author of Flaky Fables. Please ask Rix anything … the weirder, the better. E-mail your questions to rix@rixquinn.com.