Dupré: Flip the calendar page – Tear it off if you want – Meh

Published 12:03 am Saturday, January 4, 2020

It’s not going to change a thing. IT doesn’t change bupkis. YOU can do something!

I can be the master of waiting for IT. Planning for IT. Pushing IT all the way up to the finish line and waiting for IT to spontaneously generate feet and cross the line under its own power.

I am fairly intelligent and know what I need to do. I know what kind of time, effort and planning needed to meet my goals. But I tend to leave out something needed to cross that finish line. I guess maybe I figure I’ve done all I need to do; can’t IT take over now? Maybe I am not as smart as I pride myself on being. Maybe there’s something lacking in my grand design.

The problem could be something major like – my goal is to be a marathon runner, but I am a middle-aged, partially handicapped, fully overweight man, who in reality has as much chance of surviving the attempt as a rooster would have hatching a baby snake from a fried egg. The recognition of the impossibility of this endeavor would be obvious to even the most ignorant of cretins.

However, the problem could be something seemingly small that blossoms into a major problem like – I grab a bar of soap to take a bath but have grabbed the wrong one by mistake, and scrub my substantial body with a LAVA pumice stone bar of soap. Now by the time the burn sets in, it’s way too late, and there is no choice but to enjoy the exquisite pain – all that suffering due to a poor choice, inattention to detail and vigorous rubbing with a glorified volcanic rock.

So now, the Earth has completed yet another successful trip around the Sun, and you are making your NEW YEAR, NEW YOU resolutions. You can’t just “dress for the job for you want” and expect those threads alone to get you all the way there. IT won’t get you there. IT won’t cross the finish line for you. YOU have to do the rest of the work, whether that is acquiring special training, studying, doing research, improving your interviewing skills, or whatever.

If I could buy a headband, high-performance shoes, and an aerodynamic jogging suit to lose weight, I’d have a closet full of those bad boys. You have to USE what you buy (and that doesn’t mean using exercise equipment as a clothes hanger)!

Although I am a well-read individual, that didn’t come from having an extensive library. It comes from the READING of books, magazines, and encyclopedias (nerd alert), no matter where they were located.

“It’s okay, I can eat the whole pack of these Double Stuf Oreos. My fridge, pantry AND freezer are chock full of good healthy diet foods. AND I am using my kitchen counter as a staging area where fresh fruits and vegetables come to die.” Oy, gevalt! You MUST be meshuggah!

So rip off the last page of your calendar. Throw it ALL away. Be my guest. Personally, I don’t care one rodential tuchus about what you resolve to do (if you do anything differently at all). Don’t do it because some know-nothing self-help guru says you have to. You want to improve and are willing to do what is necessary, GREAT! YOU do IT! IT can’t do YOU (or if IT can, I don’t quite know how that would work, nor do I wish to)!

I guess I should wish you a Happy New Trip Around the Sun, but I don’t feel like it!

By the way the LAVA soap story is true, it happened over 40 years ago, and if you have the nerve to confront me with a bar of LAVA soap, I will break out ALL over, assume the fetal position and cry for my mommy. It’s my Kryptonite.


Gary Wayne Dupré is enjoying his second career as the Administrative Assistant for L’OBSERVATEUR and can be reached at gary.dupre@lobservateur.com or 985-652-9545. He’s an old man, so STAY OFF HIS LAWN!