By LEONARD GRAY

I love trivia-type books and collections of witty sayings and almanacs and encyclopedias and the like. This led me to a series of books called “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader.” Here are a few excerpts of funny quotations you may enjoy. Hopefully, here’ something for everyone.

From stand-up comic Steven Wright:

“If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

And also:

“I like to reminisce with people I don’t know. Granted, it takes longer.”

From artist Andy Warhol:

“They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself.”

And:

“I really do live for the future becuase when I’m eating a box of candy, I can’t wait to taste the last piece.”

From comic Groucho Marx:

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too hard to read.”

And:

“Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.”

From humorist Will Rogers:

“I belong to no organized political party. I am a Democrat.”

And:

“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.”

And also:

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”

President Abraham Lincoln said:

“People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

And:

“It’s better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.”

Writer Mark Twain observed:

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”

And:

“There is no distinctly native American criminal class – except Congress.”

Musician Frank Zappa said:

“Remember, there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.”

And:

“Life is like high school with money.”

Physicist Albert Einstein observed:

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?”

And:

“When the solution is simple, God is answering.”

LEONARD GRAY is assistant managing editor of L’Observateur. He may be reached at (985) 652-9545.