The Gray Line Tour: Wisdom from the bathroom

Published 12:00 am Wednesday, April 24, 2002


I love trivia-type books and collections of witty sayings and almanacs and encyclopedias and the like. This led me to a series of books called “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader.” Here are a few excerpts of funny quotations you may enjoy. Hopefully, here’ something for everyone.

From stand-up comic Steven Wright:

“If toast always lands butter-side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”

And also:

“I like to reminisce with people I don’t know. Granted, it takes longer.”

From artist Andy Warhol:

“They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself.”


“I really do live for the future becuase when I’m eating a box of candy, I can’t wait to taste the last piece.”

From comic Groucho Marx:

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too hard to read.”


“Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.”

From humorist Will Rogers:

“I belong to no organized political party. I am a Democrat.”


“Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.”

And also:

“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”

President Abraham Lincoln said:

“People are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”


“It’s better to be silent and thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt.”

Writer Mark Twain observed:

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”


“There is no distinctly native American criminal class – except Congress.”

Musician Frank Zappa said:

“Remember, there’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.”


“Life is like high school with money.”

Physicist Albert Einstein observed:

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk?”


“When the solution is simple, God is answering.”

LEONARD GRAY is assistant managing editor of L’Observateur. He may be reached at (985) 652-9545.