DAVID MARLOWE

There ought to be a law “Dumb and Dumber,” the movie co-starring Jim Carey and Jeff Daniels brought to the big screen a close-up look at inanityvacuum-headed morons doing what comes naturally, which is being dumb. In the movies, dumb is hilarious. Come to think of it, dumb is pretty hilarious in the real world, too. The scary part is the realization that people do some really dumb things in arenas where dumb shouldn’t be the standard. Having the knack for doing some really dumb things, myself, I also enjoy giggling at the stupidity of others when the opportunity arises. The following tidbits are courtesy of the dumblaws.com, dumbwarnings.com, dumbcriminalacts.com and the related “dumb” websites. Let’s begin with laws currently on the books in Louisiana: Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault.” It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. It is illegal to gargle in public places. And did you know it was illegal in New Orleans to tie an alligator to a fire hydrant? It is also illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it. (Both of these statutes are archaic laws that have never been removed from the books.) Louisiana doesn’t have a monopoly on dumb laws; they are international in scope. Thailand n There is a $600 fine for throwing chewed bubblegum on the sidewalk. If you don’t pay, you go to jail. Law prohibits Canadian citizens from removing any bandages in public. In Honolulu, Hawaii it is illegal to “annoy a bird” in any city park. Feeding alcoholic beverages to a moose is against the law in Alaska. Spearfish, S.D. still has a law on the books stating that three or more Indians walking down the street together constitute a war party and may be fired upon. And Nevadans may legally hang another person for killing their own dog, on their own property. Had enough of the dumb law approach? Then how about a few “dumb criminal” stories? A group of thieves thought it would be a wise idea to steal cars directly off one of the auto transport trucks that hauls cars to dealerships across the country. Everything went smoothly until they realized that each car only contained a single gallon of gasoline. An elderly woman, after shopping at the mall, returned to her vehicle to find four strange males sitting in it. Frightened, the woman dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun. She told the men to get out or she would shoot. The man got out and ran. When the woman got in the car and tried to put her key in the ignition, she realized she was in the wrong car. The vehicle she was in was identical to her own, which was parked a few spaces away. She drove to the police station to report it. The officer on duty laughed hysterically, while pointing to the other end of the counter where four pale-faced men where completing their report about being hijacked by a mean old lady with a gun. No charges were filed. As an afterthought, maybe the good citizens of Pocatello, Idaho had the right idea when they created a law making it a crime for anyone to appear in public without a smile on their face. Have a good day and keep on smiling. Ain’t nothing dumb about that. DAVID MARLOWE is editor and publisher of L’Observateur.