Published 12:00 am Tuesday, October 24, 2000

Lee Dresselhaus / L’Observateur / October 25, 2000

So…..isn’t it interesting just what some people can be talked into? Once again someone has allowed themselves to be convinced that if they strap a huge amount of high explosives to themselves, or in this case, put them aboard a small rubber boat, then blow themselves to smithereens along with anything or anyone in the vicinity, they will be rewarded with a one-way trip to paradise.

And in this case they vaporized themselves against the side of one of our warships, the USS Cole. Unfortunately several of our young sailors werekilled with them, which is what is leading me to this week’s tirade.

Now, get this. I personally don’t care if every zealot on the planet with apolitical agenda and access to high explosives were to blow themselves to itty-bitty pieces. If that’s what they want to do, have at it. And to me itdoesn’t matter if they do it on purpose or accidentally. Its when theyslaughter people they don’t know along with their useless selves, and who have never done anything to them and most likely never would, well, that’s when I have a problem.

One of the things that I have a hard time with is the fact that America just can’t seem to win. No matter which course of action we take, we’re wrong inthe eyes of a good-sized chunk of the world, some of whom are homicidal maniacs.

If a country has suffered from a drought, or a flood, or a hurricane, or an earthquake, or a tidal wave, or has been crushed under the heel of one tyrannical dictator or another, the United States is almost always the among the first to send help, and is certainly almost always the major contributor as far as the amount of help sent. That means food, medicines, shelter and,above all, people. Americans have long been some of the most selfless peoplein the world when it comes to helping others.

So what do we get for it? Gratitude? Don’t be silly.

We get a couple of idiots who listen to some madman, who tells them that they are heaven-bound if they’ll just get up close to that ship, blow up the explosives hidden in their boat, and kill as many of those damned Americans as possible.

And that’s just what they did. And over a dozen young Americans have diedas a result. I know what I’m about to say isn’t politically correct these days,but…..tough. I hope we find out who was responsible and bomb them into bug splatter.

You’ll note that no terrorist group has claimed responsibility or at least, not yet. There’s no breast-beating and boasting going on. Nobody’s bragging.Know why? Because the United States has a tendency to do just that. Bombpeople, that is. When this country is attacked it reacts like a woundedanimal, viciously, and with an instinctive desire to destroy whatever it was that attacked it.

And people like Osama Bin Laden, Chief Homicidal Maniac-In-Charge and quite probably the man behind the deaths of our sailors, knows that. Youremember Osama Bin Laden, don’t you? He’s the renegade Saudi prince who’s worth mega-millions and who has decided that instead of using all that money and the resources it brings with it to open schools, feed, clothe, and create jobs for his poor people he’d teach them to kill other people instead. Thatfixes everything, you see. So he buys them guns and explosives instead offood and shelter, and teaches young people to hate instead of to read. Andhe, along with others of his ilk, use religion to persuade under-educated and unsophisticated people to act as human bombs. They honestly think they willbe rewarded for what they did. So they strap on the bomb, or get in thetruck or boat loaded with explosives, and off they go.

Personally, if they do get to heaven I hope those sailors from the USS Cole are there waiting for them and kick their butts but good. Wouldn’t that be ahoot? And speaking of religion, I have to say this. Maniacal fools like OsamaBin Laden and his brand of religion are no more representative of Islam as a whole than the Inquisition was of Catholicism. They just naturally get moreattention than people who don’t blow up other people.

Anyway, usually by now somebody would be howling for attention over this, loudly claiming responsibility so they can take their place in the Homicidal Maniac’s Hall of Fame, but nobody is. They know they can expect Tomahawkmissiles at their door just as soon as we can show they did it. We did thatnot too long ago in an attempt to ruin Osama Bin Laden’s health record, narrowly missing him, and you can bet he hasn’t forgotten it. Right now he’sprobably just a bit twitchy.

Hey, Bin Laden. Wanna hear a knock-knock joke about a smart bomb from”Saturday Night Live?” Goes like this:


Who’s there? Ka.

Ka who? KA-BOOM! Sleep well, Bin Laden.

LEE DRESSELHAUS writes this column every Wednesday in L’Observateur.

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