Rix Quinn – Sidekicks

Published 8:00 am Sunday, October 9, 2022

My friend got lost downtown. I asked what the street sign above him said, and he replied, “It says I’m on the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.” — Quinn Quacks

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Rix Quinn – Sidekicks

     If you grew up in the 1950s through 1970s, television westerns introduced you to a thankless career.

     Here’s the job description. You work for a cowboy who travels constantly and appears to have no source of income.

     You don’t decide how you spend your day. You’ve got no house or apartment.

     Have you guessed your profession? Yes, that’s right…you are a sidekick.

     Because sidekicks live in the 1800s Wild West, they’ve got no car, bicycle, taxi, or access to public transportation. They ride a horse most of the time. They rarely change clothes, because their entire wardrobe is rolled up behind the saddle.

     Gender equality? Forget it. All the heroes – except for one notable exception – are males. And the folks they hire for sidekicks are guys too.

     The worst part is the social life. There’s no Top 40 music, unless they can create it on a harmonica or accordion.

     They spend days chasing bad guys, and nights next to a campfire drinking stale coffee. They can’t call a lady for a date, because she ain’t got a phone, she doesn’t live nearby, and it’s hard for a sidekick to smell good if he hasn’t bathed since April.

     So, to sum up: No car. No phone. No bed. No bath. No soap. No shampoo. No deodorant. No cologne. No clean clothes. No music. No dance. No dates.

     What could make a guy want to be a sidekick? The only advantage I can see is…he would live forever in reruns.

    Got a story idea for Rix? E-mail him at rix@rixquinn.com.