Sign me up. I both qualify and welcome the opportunity to participate in a few reality shows.

The door is wide open to any producer looking to redecorate or in any way improve my home. Love It or List It, Fixer Upper and especially Beachfront Bargain Properties — I’m ready.

Same for my closet. The show What Not to Wear would have loved me. Tired of hearing my son, Geoffrey, call me Johnny Cash due to my tendency to wear black, I decided to branch out and began wearing navy.

My children have given up on trying to change my wardrobe.

There is one show in which I would not be able to participate — Hoarders. This show focuses on people whose homes are filled to the brim with their belongings.

I love to get rid of things, but cringe when my husband starts to look for a specific appliance that I vaguely remember unloading at the thrift shop.

He rummages through the cabinets saying, “I just know we have a ___.”

Fill in the blank: George Forman grill, tea brewer, fruit juicer or salad shooter. Through the course of my episodes of decluttering, none of them made the cut and were tossed.

For some reason though, I held onto my hot rollers, a decision for which my daughter Lauren is grateful. (Upon hearing of Farrah Fawcett’s death in 2009, she decided to try them as a memorial and never turned back.)

Not only do I frequently purge my home of unused items, I don’t even stock a decent pantry. Every attempt to create a meal without a trip to the grocery store was futile.

One time, all I had to work with were pork and beans, blueberry pie filling, artichokes and marshmallow crème. Add to that the deer sausage I found in the freezer, and the fact that I’m the only one in my family who eats pork and beans, and I still had nothing.

Well, nothing but a good excuse to order pizza.

So what do I keep? Photographs, cards, anything my children write and journals.

And in the absence of a well-stocked pantry, I work to obey Proverbs 3 by storing God’s teachings and commands in my heart, and keeping kindness and truth so close to me that my actions and attitudes reflect my God.

What about the bad things? The times when life doesn’t follow my plans? Or when disappointments threaten to cloud my days?

I can’t throw them out, but I can trust God to work all those things together for my good. To somehow make the bitter sweet. To make lemonade from lemons.

And speaking of lemonade, my Dad makes the best ever!

It’s not uncommon for me to call him and ask, “Would you like to come over and make a pitcher of lemonade?”

But now I have to add, “And could you bring your juicer?”

Ronny Michel may be reached at rmichel@rtconline.com.