The Southern Yankee with Sue Ellen Ross

Whether your Christmas tree is artificial or the real deal, you will face the task of disassembling it in the next week or so. This includes removing all those ornaments, garland, and colored lights. Organizing and placing them in their respective boxes without breaking anything can be a chore.

And, taking down the tree itself can be time-consuming.

If you have ever used a live Christmas tree, you know the problems inherent with that purchase. It may not be completely straight, crooked branches may make it hard to decorate, and the pine needles can shed all over the carpet.

Nevertheless, many people prefer the sight and smell of a real tree.

This was my mindset the year I wanted to impress my family by buying a real tree and having it all decorated before anyone saw it.

I had just graduated from high school and wanted to show my maturity in this way. Long story short – I went to a tree lot, believed the fast-talking salesman, handed over my $25 (earned from babysitting) and dragged the tree home.

First mistake: not checking for freshness. I left a trail of pine needles a mile long. The salesman lied when he said it had just been cut that morning. Since the tree was bundled up in rope when I bought it, I didn’t get to see it in its full (in this case, less-than-full) glory.

Once in the house, I untied the rope and was amazed at the width of the tree. It was way too big for our living room. Upon further inspection, I found two gaping holes in the area I thought would be perfect for the front display. I grabbed the hedge trimmer from the garage and went to work.

That mission accomplished, I now had to deal with those two gaping holes. No problem, I thought, I will just add more decorations and lights to the dead branches and hope no one would notice.

Now it was time to stand the tree. It had been lying on the back porch the whole time I was doing its haircut.

I found another problem. Again, I had never seen the tree standing on its own – the lot had them piled 50 deep and I just picked the greenest one. (You know how women like color.)

So, here I was, with a crooked tree bottom. I tried to find a saw. No luck.

I racked my brain but couldn’t come up with anything. Finally, I came to the conclusion that I needed something to prop under the tree.

I looked in the closet and found my mom’s pink suitcase. The one she used every year for summer vacation. This would be a safe bet, since this was winter and vacation wasn’t until June. The luggage worked perfectly. I had to jimmy the handle with rope around the base of the Christmas tree stand, but it was all covered with the tree skirt and no one could tell.

I proceeded to decorate. When finished, I admired my work on the very straight tree. Best of all, I finished before my family came home for dinner.

Where they surprised!!!

I cautioned everyone against getting too close to the tree, as I had used a lot of decorations (and, I didn’t know how long the tree would stay in an upright position, but didn’t tell them that.)

Everything was fine during that season, except the day when my mom and dad were invited to a formal holiday party.

My mom enlisted my help in finding her dress shoes and silk purse. We looked everywhere. They were nowhere to be found. After two days of searching, we gave up. She borrowed a purse and went to buy new shoes.

It wasn’t until I took down the Christmas tree (which did stay upright for the whole season, by the way) that I solved the case of the missing items.

It seems my mom had begun reading the popular ‘Household Hints’ column in the local newspaper, and found a new use for her suitcase – storing rarely used items and out-of-season clothes. If I had taken the time to look in the luggage before using it as my informal pedestal, I would have seen the accessories packed in tissue paper.

I confessed my little tree display secret as I handed over the shoes and purse to my mom. I later overhead her tell my dad what I had done and his reply was, “I guess we have to believe her. No one would make up a story that ridiculous.”

He was right.

Sue Ellen Ross

can be reached at

lobnews@bellsouth.net

or (985) 652-9545 EXT. 208