Lee Dresselhaus / L’Observateur / December 13, 2000

So…okay. I know, I know. I said I wouldn’t write anything else about theelection because everyone else and his uncle’s dog is writing about it. Everyday. All the time. But, as I’ve pointed out in the past, I can resist anythingbut temptation and it’s just too tempting an issue to ignore, so I’ve decided to not only write about again, but to grade some of the participants in this whole ordeal.

I’ve been getting some fun stuff in my e-mail about all this, by the way. Onecreative soul has been circulating a new symbol for the Democratic Party.

It’s a circular logo that says around its outer border in resplendent red, white, and blue, “The Official Seal of the United States Democratic Party”. Inthe center of the seal, replacing the usual donkey (or jackass if you prefer- after all, we’re talking about Gore here) is a yowling baby, obviously in the throes of a temper tantrum. Nicely done. I offer my appreciative kudo towhoever designed it. Couldn’t be more appropriate. It was definitely an A-pluseffort.

Another e-mail artist sent me a picture entitled, “Floriduh”. It consisted of apicture of a little old lady sitting in a rocking chair. The caption read, “TheFlorida Voter: She can spot a five-cent error on a lunch check for four.”Good point. Solid “A” on that one. The point has also been raised in numerousother venues that she can also spread six bingo cards on a table and not miss a beat, stamping away like a demented postal worker when the bingo guy says, “B23”. Yet somehow she can’t seem to poke the right hole on aclearly-marked ballot. Go figure. Another nod needs to go to the guy who took the “Gore/Lieberman” campaign sign and changed it to “Sore/Loserman,” complete with the same design and colors. That was good. In fact, its one of those “Why-didn’t-I-think-of-that”things. For me, anyway. Another definite A-plus. Yet another sign thatdeserves some form of acknowledgement is one I caught a glimpse of on one of the news programs. It showed a hand-drawn spray can labeled “Gore-B-Gone”. That one gets a B-plus. Another fun lampoon suggested that Lieberman is really Teller from the comedy/magic act of Penn and Teller, then showed pictures of the two. Knowwhat? Could be. There’s a really close resemblance. The Democrats havebeen pulling sleight-of-hand tricks for eight years already, so why change now? That one gets a solid “B.”I like the Democrat’s stance on the 15,000 or so absentee ballots that they want thrown out, too. Just a few days before they were bellowing about the”disenfranchisement” of voters who might not get their votes to count unless they were counted at least three times. Maybe four, whatever. Andhow every vote must be counted. It’s the American way. Except for those15,000 absentee votes, that is. They were largely Republican. Essentiallywhat the Democrats were saying is that they want all of their votes to count and yours may not matter so much. They get a A-plus, too, in Hypocrisy 101. I liked the Democrats’ – and media reaction – to the Republican protestors who showed up down there. Wait! Republicans aren’t supposed to do that!Why, they’re actually shouting things we don’t agree with, and waving signs and really, really not letting us get away with this election. Aren’t theysupposed be home mowing the yard or going to PTA meetings or something? We, the Liberal Left, are the ones who do the protesting around here! Well, in the words of that great Southern philosopher Gomer Pyle, “SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!” The Democrats actually said that the protestors intimidated the local authorities into swinging a decision concerning the election toward the Republicans. The media, of course, picked up on this andportrayed the protestors in the worst possible light. Protesting is, as we allknow, is reserved for animal rights weirdos, anti-death penalty hand wringers, and liberals with way, way too much time on their hands.

So I give the media an “F” in impartiality. For the most part they may as wellbe wearing “Gore/Lieberman” buttons on their lapels. Or is that “Sore /Loserman?” I can never get that straight.

I give the Republicans who actually staged the protest an A-plus for upsetting the traditional apple cart just a bit. Fun stuff. I also give the Gore Campaign attorney David Bois an “F” for that haircut.

Yikes. Come on, get a clue, Sparky.Well, deadlines being what they are, the whole thing may be over by the time this column hits the stands. Speaking just for me, the words “finalarguments” had a nice ring to them. I’m ready for the whole thing to be over,although its been fun watching the Democrats tap dance their way around the Constitution. They’ve been pretty transparent, even to the likes of me.Overall grade for entertainment value? B-plus.

And I’m not even a Republican. Surprise, surprise, surprise.

LEE DRESSELHAUS writes this column every Wednesday for L’Observateur.

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