Leonard Gray / L’Observateur / September 30, 2000

Traditions play a big role in my life, and certain family traditions are being either established or continued. Coffee plays a large part.When I was growing up, my grandfather in Lumberton, Miss., would get upearly every morning and bring coffee in bed to everyone in the house, beginning with my grandmother. When I was a little older, I would listen forhim to begin rattling around in the kitchen and, as often as I could, join him to carry the coffee cups to the bedsides while he started the second pot.

It’s one of my best childhood memories, and I’ve tried to continue the tradition by bringing my wife coffee in bed whenever I can.

Unfortunately, as our usually-conflicting work schedules, that’s sort of gone by the wayside as far as day-to-day coffee sharing. However, I do try to do iton weekends.

There’s been times I’ve told my wife to go back to bed, so I could bring her coffee and join her with my own. It’s a relaxing thing to do, where she and Ican just talk, discuss the past week, make plans for the weekend and share real quality time.

I just have to remember to do it, even if it involves setting my alarm early enough. But she has told me she enjoys this particular tradition and lovesfeeling just a little spoiled.

One tradition she and I came up with on our own stemmed out of those same weird work schedules. Once a month, her work schedule demands that sheworks seven days a week, including a full day on Saturday and a half-day on Sunday afternoons.

On those weekends, I take her out to dinner on Saturday night. Sometimes,she picks the restaurant; and sometimes, I do.

Again, it gives us time to make time for ourselves and regenerate the batteries in our relationship. We explore new restaurants (a shared passion)and talk and relax.

I don’t claim to be an expert, by any means, on relationships, but I do recommend taking special time, such as this, to spend with each other.

In these hectic times, with children, work demands, stress and other pressures, it’s good for a married couple to do at least one thing, once a week, together, alone and apart from others.

It’s all part of trying to make a marriage work. Nobody ever said marriagewas easy, or if they did, they were never married. It’s a job, in some senses,and to wholly rely on romance and starry-eyed notions to keep it alive is wrong to do.

There must be communication, sharing and caring to keep the spark alive, and there must be consideration for each other, listening to each other and understanding of each other.

Being a married person is tough and the only thing truly harder is to be a good parent. As I don’t have children, my parenting knowledge is more, well,academic in nature.

Hopefully, though, after 20-plus years, I’ve learned one or two things, so I hope this advice is worth taking.

It’s hard. It’s work. And it’s oh, so, worth it.

LEONARD GRAY is a reporter for L’Observateur.

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