Lee Dresselhaus / L’Observateur / April 11, 2000

So’..isn’t it great to be able to pinpoint a moment in history? You knowwhat I mean, one of those tremendous moments with incredible historical impact. For example, for those of us old enough, there was the momentKennedy was shot. We all remember right where we were and what wewere doing when we heard the news. The moon landing is another example,as is the Challenger explosion. These moments are frozen in our minds likearctic ice because they were events of momentous impact on us, all of us.

And now yet another event has occurred that shall truly stand tall in history and that I will always remember. I can honestly say, on somedistant day in the future, that I can remember when this nation officially went insane.

Yep, it’s happened. We’ve lost our minds.Leonardo “Squeaky” DiCaprio has been selected to interview the President of The United States on the issue of global warming. ABC news said theythought it was a good opportunity to “educate” Americans about global warming. And I’ll always remember right where I was when I read thenews. Choking on coffee in my kitchen. When I heard about this latest rampage of the Frankenstein Monster of Political Correctness I had several different reactions.

My first reaction was in the form of impulse. I wanted to stick my head inthe toilet bowl and scream. But, since that wouldn’t make the image of adrooling genetic lottery winner interviewing the leader of the free world go away I changed my mind, although the echo effect would have been interesting and at least as entertaining as watching Squeaky DiCaprio do anything. Ever. My second reaction was in the form of outrage. How could they do that?How could anyone with even a shred of common sense assume that Squeaky has any qualifications whatsoever when it comes to discussing global issues with a world leader? My dog Useless is as qualified as he is in that area. And worse, how could they presume to stick that kind of politicallycorrect fluffy nonsense in our faces and expect us to accept it as any kind of journalism? My final reaction was that of dismay, which slowly dwindled itself down the bitter acceptance of the fact that this nation has lost its mind.

I don’t like to think that we have become a nation of such shallow thinkers that it is now all right for people like Squeaky and the others who will come to Washington on Earth Day, Melanie Griffith, David Crosby and Ted Danson to be our spokesmen. I would much rather think that it’s some formof mass insanity, a Mad Cow disease for humans that has swept away our awareness. By the way, I hope all David Crosby will be doing is singing.Has anyone forgotten that he is a recovering junkie, a convicted felon, and one time fugitive from justice? The guy’s liver blew up in his face, for Pete’s sake. If I need a spokesman or a representative for any cause I’llfind someone who has managed to keep himself un-arrested and has kept his liver intact, thank you. Maybe it’s just me, but I prefer people with atleast that much sense to represent my views. On anything. Now, as far as Squeaky DiCaprio goes, let me say this. He’s a lot like thosewhite ducks we see in park ponds. They’re sort of pleasant to look at, butthey serve no real useful purpose other than to mildly entertain us, so as long as we throw them bread crusts and they’re happy, we’re happy. Theyjust cruise back and forth and we say, “Ooh, look at the ducks.” Evidently Squeaky has escaped from his pond.

I’ve asked this question before and I’ll ask it again. Why do Americans setsuch store by these type of people when all they have to offer is the ability to entertain? Don’t get me wrong. Each of those folks has the sameto offer as any of the rest of us. As a person that is. But somehow, oncethey get in front of those cameras and start thinking they are somebody, they become all-wise and all-knowing, like Oz. The problem that is thefact that the curtain they are hiding behind is transparent.

So anyway, I have no idea what made the folks at ABC think it would be all right for Squeaky to interview the President on any issue. Keep in mindthese are the same people who struck a righteous pose and investigated the whole Monica Lewinsky thing until we were restraining a national suicide impulse. Step back and look at the whole picture. How can youpossibly take DiCaprio any more seriously than Lewinsky? In the overall cosmic sense sort of way they’re really on the same level.

Finally, Id like to extend an invitation to my readers – both of you. If youagree, disagree, want to bring something to my attention, or just want to tell me I’m an idiot, e-mail me at work26@gs.verio.net, or contact L’Observateur.

In the meantime, would somebody please put Squeaky DiCaprio back in his pond?

Lee Dresselhaus is a regular columnist for L’Observateur

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