Ebb and Flow

Published 12:00 am Saturday, July 10, 1999

DEBORAH CORRAO / L’Observateur / July 10, 1999

It’s strange how we seem to remember odd moments of our lives. Somepeople remember happy times and tend to ignore, deny or deliberately choose to forget the less happy ones.

Other lives may be measured by their grief, their disappointments or their failures. Still others blush years later with memories of times they wereembarrassed or ashamed.

I suppose I remember most vividly those instances that I was frightened or felt powerless in the face of some real or imagined danger.

When I was a toddler my family lived near my grandparents, who ran a dairy farm. To this day I retain an image of riding on my father’s shouldersinto the barn where the cows were milked.

I remember being suddenly surrounded by the huge cows and scared as only a small child can be when placed in a situation where it seems that danger is lurking all around.

As an adult I feel I am sometimes surrounded by adult “cows” – the fears and anxieties we face as we test this path called life, not knowing what lies around the next corner.

In recent years I’ve decided it’s time to conquer the “cows.” Of course, Ienvy those people who learn that lesson a little earlier in life. It’s takenme the better part of four decades to figure out the best way to overcome fear is to face it head on. That’s never easy, especially for me.For instance, I am extremely fearful of heights and airplanes. Up untilabout five years ago I could hardly look at an airplane flying above, let alone ride in one. I had no compelling reason to conquer the fear until mysister proposed a trip to New York City.

I had been to the Big Apple a couple of times before but my sister hadn’t, and she, unlike me, refuses to go anywhere unless she flies.

I confess that I almost turned around when it came time to board the plane, and I gripped my seat during takeoff and for most of the two-hour flight. I couldn’t wait to disembark at JFK.Since then I’ve flown several times. I am not yet to the point that I canrelax and enjoy myself or handle the ride as easily as one that is closer to the ground. But I faced my fear and, for the most part, loosened itspowerful grip on me.

I have had other instances in my life where fear threatened to paralyze me into missing opportunities, but I have resolved to do my best to conquer those fearful “cows” instead of letting them surround me.

I’m not yet ready to jump across the Grand Canyon on a motorcycle. Butlater this summer I plan to stand at the edge of the Grand Canyon and look down.

And, yes, I’ll be flying there.

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