TOMMY WILLIAMS / L’Observateur / Febuary 6, 1999

After several years of scientific research, I can prove without a shadow of doubt that any member of the male sex who owns and operates a 35 mm camera can and most probably will experience childbearing labor at least once in their lifetime. It sounds funny, but it’s true, just ask anyone who takes pictures.They’ll confirm my findings.

For example, Mark Stevens, a college associate, explains how this phenomenon occurs.

“I was just innocently standing there, trying to change my camera lens to get a close-up shot of the kids at the park,” he said. “All of a sudden this thing (ananomaly), well actually it was my wife, screamed “Hurry up and take the picture! We don’t have all day to wait on you.” The sound of her voice made me sonervous that I dropped the camera lens. The next thing that I heard was thesound of it crashing on the ground, with pieces flying everywhere. It was at thatpoint when the uncontrollable labor pains began.”Time and time again I hear similar such stories from both amateur and professional photographers. As you might have expected, here are a few, helpfultips on how to prevent or at least reduce the affects if you have a similar such episode with your own personal camera equipment.

First, do you remember the day when you purchased that additional zoom lens for your 35 mm camera, that very expensive 70-210 zoom lens? Do also remember how that aggravating sales person persisted in trying to sell you a $20 protective lens filter? Well guess what, that $20 lens filter was actual the cheapest medical insurance policy you can possibly purchase to protect your camera lens. Protective lens filters reduce the risk of scratching the frontelement of the lens due to excessive cleaning and airborne environmental pollution, not that we actually have any environmental pollution in St. JohnParish. Filters are also designed to crush on impact, which can help prevent orreduce damage due to minor bumps or droppage.

Secondly, there are a few protective measures that can also be taken while handling your equipment to protect it from damage. Sit down in a chair or kneelclose to the ground when changing camera lenses or installing the flash.

Why? As if you really had to ask.

If you reduce the distance between your equipment and the ground when it falls, an it will fall, it will prevent or reduce the amount of damage to your camera equipment. Hand your camera equipment to someone or set in down before youperform any acrobatic tricks to get a better camera position, like jumping from one cement ledge to another. For all you macho male photographers, it’simportant to remember that Batman and Robin rarely fall or stumble, but we do.

I have the bruises and scars to prove it.

Even though I am sure I can not convince the United States government to conduct another meaningless million dollar study, I do have enough evidence to support the theory that some members of the male sex can experience childbearing labor.

Haven’t you ever heard you husband say, “I feel like I ‘m going to have a baby!”Back to Top

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